My brain sometimes gives me the same effect as medication

I’ve had a couple of striking and strange sensations after taking medication for depression. I’m not talking side effects here, but ‘front’ effects, the reason for taking the medication in the first place.

One was of a weird turning of the head from the downward spiral to the opening of possibilities outside my ‘cage’.
The other is a spreading numbness – almost physical that helped me not to kill myself in a desperate attempt to escape the pain.

Both of these I’ve had both with and without medication.
The numb sensation is not nice but can come on so abruptly that it almost feels like an anaesthetic injection spreading through me.
The ‘weird’ turning to the light sensation is very unsettling, very positive, but so strong that it is quite frightening.

I know I’m capable of creating a good environment in my head and have had a glimpse of the tools at my disposal, but IĀ feel like a toddler in charge of a power tool.

Here ends today’s thought!